michael obama says black folk can't swim because of you white people;

Michelle Obama blames white people for the fact that black people can’t swim. In an interview promoting her new book called I forgot what — that’s not the title of the book, I just forgot what the title is — the wife of the president who ruined our healthcare system spoke in that condescending, sassy black woman tone of voice that makes all of us love sassy black women so very, very much. She said, “Let me explain something to white people. Our hair comes out of our heads naturally in a curly pattern. So, when we’re straightening it to follow your beauty standards, we are trapped by the straightness. That’s why so many of us can’t swim, and we run away from the water … because we’re trying to keep our hair straight for y’all. It is exhausting, and it is so expensive, and it takes up so much time!”

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh, Klavan, you jocular junkie of jovial jokery, where do you come up with these fantastically fanciful satire ideas?” Just the notion that a woman with degrees from both Princeton and Harvard would talk to her fellow grown-ups in that condescending sassy black woman tone that just makes you want to plant a foot of whatever color right in her sassy black buttock and watch her go sailing through the air like a Cameron Dicker field goal attempt from sixty yards out, is totally unbelievable in itself. But when you add to that this ridiculous concept that an unfathomably privileged woman with a net worth of approximately a hundred gazillion Somalis would go on TV with her straightened hair that no white man gives a twitch of a rat’s ass about and tell people that the reason she can’t swim is because white people give a twitch of a rat’s ass about her hair, well, sure, it’s hilarious, but just so totally unreal...........more............