fred reed is always a hoot, and here he's telling you why he's tossing his sombrero into the ring;

 I have decided to run in the upcoming Presidential elections as dictator. I am aware of the stress this will cause me, the long hours, the sacrifice, but I sense that the country yearns for me in its desperation, its despair for a Leader. In this week alone I have gotten hundreds of emails urging me to take the reins of government (OK, three emails, but I am rounding up.) At whatever cost, I will answer my country’s call.

Some will object to my certain ascension as voters reach out in their anguish. Naysayers will say “nay,” that being how you know they are naysayers. Skeptics will say,  “But Fred, you have no qualifications as dictator.” To them I reply, “True, but look at what we’ve got.” This is an insuperable argument.

A considerate dictator informs his dictadees of his plans for them and the country.  Herewith a few of the measures I foresee:

On day one I   will pardon Assange, replacing him with Anthony Blinken, who will remain in the cell as long as Assange has. Turn about is fair play, my mother told me.

I will remove all restrictions from Cuba and give it most-favored-nation status. If those wretched pseudo-Cubans in Miami protest, I will have them arrested and left on a desert island somewhere. Preferably one with an active volcano. Cuba is no danger to anyone anywhere, Keeping eleven million perfectly good people in misery, people who make great music and good rum, to please a pack of irritating frauds is political sadism. If you have a desert island, let me know.........more.....